This was an entry from several weeks ago... when Shaq played his first game for the Suns against the Lakers...

Tonight, to my shame, I confess that I sinned against my kids.  Margaret was out for a school meeting, and it fell upon me- and ME ALONE- to wash up all the kids, to lead them in family worship, and to put them all to bed.  I had a long day, and I was exhausted.  I wanted to put them to bed as soon as I could; I really wanted to get to the Lakers/Suns game.  So, when the kids didn’t cooperate about going to bed promptly, when they did whatever they could to stay up later than I wanted them to (asking for water, making additional trips to the bathroom, sneaking books and toys into their beds, etc.), in my exhaustion and in my desire to get to the game, in my selfish irritation, I yelled.  I straight up yelled at my kids with a voice so cruel that it would have stunned you if you heard it.  I said something like, “Just leave me alone!  Daddy is so tired!  Just go to bed before I spank all of you!”  The volume and the intensity of the anger were very evident in my voice, and all the faces of my kids fell.  They slunk into their beds, whimpering to themselves.  I stormed downstairs, plopped down on the couch, and turned on the TV.  Finally… some peace and quiet… just me and my Lakers game.

And then it hit me… like the way Shaq’s elbow hit the back of Raja Bell’s head.  What hit me?  My guilt, my shame, and my remorse.  My conscience yelled at me, telling me that I had sinned against my kids.  I yelled in anger…. Not for their good, but because I was tired, and because I wanted to do my own thing.  So, before I let the guilt pass away, I went back upstairs, and I apologized to all my kids.  I went to each of them, sat in their beds, looked them in the eye, and told them that what I did was very wrong, and that it was a sin.  I told them that I was very sorry, and I asked each of them for their forgiveness, which they all graciously granted me right away.  And I told them that I loved them very much.  My son Caleb said to me quietly, “God is not happy with you when you yell at us like that.”  I told him that I know, and I told him that I would ask God for His forgiveness too. 

Father, forgive me for being so selfish and unkind, even to my own children that I love.  Please change me by the power of the Holy Spirit.

For those of us with children, sooner or later, if they haven’t already, they are going to see us sin.  They are going to see us sin against them.  That’s unavoidable.  But just as clearly as they see us sin, they must also just as clearly see us repent and seek forgiveness… both from them and from our heavenly Father.  They must never see us try to justify or rationalize our sin; they must see us humbly confess our sin and seek forgiveness.  We need to model and demonstrate sorrow, repentance, and faith in the gospel when we sin.  That way, when our children sin (which they do and will), they will know what to do… because they watched us deal with our own sin in a gospel-way.

May each and every one of our covenant homes be homes where grace and forgiveness are central and foundational, where both parents and children have the humility to confess their sins and the boldness to delight in the gospel.  May the gospel be something that is not only believed but also experienced- as we seek and grant forgiveness to one another.

I was struck by something I read this morning, from Luke 5:1-11.  It was the day that Jesus told Peter, James and John to let down their nets, even though they caught nothing all night.  But they did what Jesus said, and they had their biggest catch ever as fisherman.  They caught so many fish that their nets were breaking.  They filled their boats with so many fish that their boats were sinking.  This was the biggest catch of fish that they had ever even heard of.  It was their big pay-day.  When they brought all the fish to shore, they should have been seeing dollar signs (or shekel signs) in their heads, thinking about how rich they just got!

But what do they do?  Verse 11 says, "And when they had brought their boats to land, they left everything and followed Him."  They left everything.  Not only the great catch of fish (which would have netted a whole lot of money), but even the tools for their livelihood (their boats and their nets).  Were they crazy?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  In Jesus they found someone more valuable than all the fish in the world, even more valuable than everything they possessed or owned in this world.  In order to own and follow Jesus, they gladly left everything.  In their eyes, it would have been crazy to stay with the fish and not follow Jesus.  They chose the better portion.  They chose Jesus over dead fish and smelly boats.  At the end of the day, the very best that this world has to offer us for our treasure is "dead fish and smelly boats."

Is Jesus that precious and valuable to you?  Is He to me?  Is Jesus so valuable that everything else is like rubbish compared to Him?  Yes, He is.  It is my prayer that Jesus will be that precious to my own soul, that I would seek my true joy, my true satisfaction, and my true delight in Him- and in no one and nothing else.  I pray that- not to sound pious, but to be truly happy and satisfied.  I agree with John Piper, that Jesus is most glorified when we are the most satisfied with Him, when we gladly leave everything in order to gain and follow Him.

Today, my son and his friend Aaron had this conversation in the car...

Aaron: My grandma's name is "har mo ni."
Caleb: My grandma's name is "Torrance har mo ni"  and "L.A. har mo ni."
Aaron: oh...

Margaret and I just cracked up laughing...